Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. Often they are extremely hard to spot because they take the guise of friends, family, or a spouse. Since we often trust these relations and consider them our well-wishers it takes a lot to come to terms that hanging out with these people may not be the best for our mental health.
What behavior exactly is termed toxic?
Toxic people are prone to creating unnecessary drama in their lives. They are manipulative and constantly want to control others. They may come off as needy, there is always something or the other wrong with them and you find yourself always busy trying to rescue them.
They are overly critical and judgmental of others. They are unable to contain feelings of jealousy and you would mostly find them complaining of their misfortunes and envying others.
How to tell if you are surrounded by toxic people?
Often time a person poisoning your life with toxicity is someone you deeply care for. You find yourself thrown off by their behavior and while your gut keeps telling you something is off, you just can’t seem to put your finger on it. Here are some telltale signs that you are hanging out with someone toxic:
- You feel emotionally drained after interacting with them.
- You dread the moment you would have to meet them.
- Your self-esteem takes a big hit after you have done talking with them.
- Whenever you are with them it is always about them. You can hardly get a word in, and they never bother asking you how you are doing.
- You are stuck in an endless loop where you are constantly trying to save them and care for them.
- They constantly make you feel guilty for not doing enough rather than appreciating all that you do for them.
- Talking to them feels like walking on eggshells. You never know what will make them completely lose their head.
Toxic people can be a handful but it is always best to critically analyze your own actions before labeling someone as toxic. Remember it takes two to tango, so before you set off to end a relationship deeming it unhealthy, sit down, and think over the role you played and how you handled certain situations.
But if the relationship continues taking a serious toll on your mental and emotional well-being despite adjusting your attitudes, it is best to walk away from it.
7 Types of Toxic People That you need to Get Rid of Now
Here are 7 types of toxic people you are bound to come across in your life. Familiarizing yourself with them will help you spot one early on and avoid getting close to them altogether.
1. They are Manipulative
Toxic people are always trying to manipulate others by evoking emotions such as guilt and shame. They make the other person feel as if they owe them. There will be times when a toxic person will jump through hoops to help you out but they would hold it against you for the rest of your life. And you can never seem to repay them for those sporadic acts of selflessness because they always make it a point to let you know that you are falling short.
They will paint you out to be the worst person in the world and constantly send you on guilt trips just to keep you continue trying to gain their approval. You will end up doing everything and still find that even your best is not enough.
Moreover, they would shame you by finding faults in you and convince you that you need to change for your own good. If guilt and shame are the dominant emotions in a relationship that is a big red flag that you need to get out.
2. It’s you it’s not them
They often project their own feelings and thoughts on to you. Such people never own up to the way they feel rather they accuse you of the emotions they are feeling. Instead of accepting that they are angry and addressing the problem with you; they would accuse you of being angry or mad at them.
You would find yourself always pushed in the corner with accusations hurled at you. You are always justifying and defending yourself against fresh charges levied against you.
3. They want you to prove yourself to them
Toxic people love playing games with you to test your love and care for them. Most of the time they would ask you to choose between them and something else to prove that you value them. More often than not they would ask you to make such a decision when you have an urgent commitment that you cannot pass upon.
For example, they would ask you to opt to spend time with them rather than attending an important meeting. If you fail to pick them over something else, they will play the victim card and accuse you of never taking time out for them.
It is an endless vicious cycle where you are continuously put in uncomfortable situations where any choice you make would have negative outcomes for you.
4. They are never transparent
They are never going to be straight up with you on how they feel. They would resort to a passive-aggressive attitude: they would give you the silent treatment or converse in a seemingly innocent language in a toxic tone. The goal is to keep you guessing why they are so mad and what you have done to upset them.
5. They are unpredictable
You can never make up your mind about their dominant personality. Are they kind and selfless or bitter and self-centered? They give you a different version of themselves each day. And the interesting part is they blame you for their erratic behavior. They would convince you that you are responsible for which side you get to see of them. If only you act exactly the way they asked you to, life would be so pleasant. But if you anger them in any way or stray from the path they want you to follow, all hell would break loose.
You will find yourself feeling anxious about any misstep that may anger them whenever you are with them. You feel as if you are walking on eggshells. You become overly conscious of what you say or do when you are with them because you never know what may rub them off the wrong way.
6. They are always a damsel in distress
With toxic people, the drama never ends. There is always something or the other wrong with them and they want you to lay off all your other engagements and fix their problems first. You are always rushing out to help them still they never seem to appreciate all that you do for them.
No matter how many times you have lent a helping hand in the past if you fail to come to their side even once they would hold it against you forever and accuse you of being selfish.
7. They are always the center of attention
The relationship is primarily about them and not you. They are always in a crisis that needs to be resolved; they are always hurt and need healing; they always have plans that require you to cancel yours — they get a lot more from the relationship than you do you will find most of your needs go unsatisfied. The conversation will always revolve around them and you will struggle to get a word in. While they would feel no qualms extolling their virtues and boasting their accomplishments they loathe to listen to you talk about your success.
For a toxic person, everything is determined by their need to keep the spotlight firmly on themselves. They care little to none for others and make sure they are the center of attention at all times. To do so they rely on making the other person feel terrible about themselves and this allows them to initiate a vicious cycle where the other person is stuck acting like their puppet to gain their approval.
A toxic relationship can take a toll on a person’s emotional and mental wellbeing and make it tough to function at their best in academics or the workplace. It is important to distance ourselves from people who constantly tear us down rather than lift us. Granted that this is a difficult decision to make given that sometimes it is our near and dear ones that cause us the most hurt but one should muster up the courage to draw themselves away from such people to preserve their emotional health.
If you feel your confidence gets visibly shaken up and negative feelings like shame, guilt, and fear are a common occurrence for you in the relationship then it is probably best to call it quits. Dragging on a relationship because you are afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings will only lead to deep-rooted bitterness and hatred, therefore, the compassionate thing to do is to let go and move on,
Here’s a quick recap of 7 Types of Toxic People That you need to Get Rid of Now:
- They are Manipulative
- It’s you it’s not them
- They want you to prove yourself to them
- They are never transparent
- They are unpredictable
- They are always a damsel in distress
- They are always the center of attention