He genuinely appears to be a keeper. But your intuition tells you that that appearance is just a pretense.
To whom should you give attention? To your intuition or your senses?
Positive psychology asks us to be optimistic. But it doesn’t ask us to throw cautions to the wind.
A balanced approach calls for taking calculated risks.
How can you take calculated risks in relationships? You do so by knowing the rights and wrongs of a person and, then, deciding to accept the wrongs (manageable ones) or walk away from the relationship (if the wrongs are too intense to manage).
Here are 5 red flags that may signal an impending disastrous relationship if you proceed to take it forward.
1. He Is Habitually a Victim
Did I say that I would only discuss habits? Because it’s not a habit: it’s a complete mindset.
There are various ways a person can express their victim mentality. These include not taking responsibility for their mistakes, shifting the blame on others, taking every hardship personally, and genuinely believing that they are entitled to preferred treatment from others.
In short, if you are going out with someone who complains twice in a single meeting, you are up for a (great) negative surprise.
Sometimes, this red flag comes with a beautiful feeling. Partners of habitual victims often genuinely feel for the hardships life has thrown at their partners and want to be a good role model.
Watch out! You will soon become another drama in their life.
2. Who has no Opinion of His Own
It’s a good feeling to be in a leading position at work or relationship. But there is a difference between leadership and management. And micromanagement is even more different.
Initially, it appears cool and loving. You have gotten a man who mirrors your emotions and thinking pattern. But as you move forward, you see that his agreeability becomes excessive and that it is not unique to his interactions with you.
Beware! That’s not an extraordinary understanding between you two. It’s his lack of backbone. It’s an indication that you may find yourself carrying his (emotional/ mental) weight in the coming years in marriage.
It signals an upcoming lack of prompt emotional and moral support when you need such support most.
3. He Lies
Even if you are witnessing smaller ones, you shouldn’t ignore the pattern.
These lies may seem harmless and innocent at first.
They may remain the same, harmless and innocent, throughout your relationship. Or they may turn nastier – creating stories about you or the relationship or harming the trust.
IMO, there is no need to test a person who has told you that he is not trustable by lying.
4. He Doesn’t Believe in Gender Equality
Even if you uphold an old-school mindset about gender equality/inequality, you wouldn’t want to be around those guys who are against your career progress, not interested in supporting your passion, or is jealous of your achievements.
Ironically, even if you are an avid supporter of gender equality, you may feel tempted to sacrifice your ideology to nourish a relationship with the man of your dreams.
If you do so, think about how this change in self-expression will affect you in the coming years and decades.
Seek a man who supports you not because of your gender but because of you.
5. He Doesn’t Prioritize You
You can’t expect your partner to give you his 100% attention. He may also have and enjoy other activities and commitments. He will also entertain other relationships and manage work and life.
But these commitments will not prevent him from thinking about you, making plans for spending time with you and being actually present with you.
If they do, he is not loyal to this relationship leaving you free to move on.
If you are considering a man for marriage, you are probably looking for life-long companionship. As such, you want the best companion who can support you in every turn and twist of life’s journey.
There can be a hundred qualities that guarantee a successful marriage. Likewise, there are a hundred others that raise red flags.
Which of these habits do you think is most harmful to a relationship?
Share your thoughts!