He genuinely appears to be a keeper. But your intuition tells you that that appearance is just a pretense.
To whom should you give attention? To your intuition or your senses?
Positive psychology asks us to be optimistic. But it doesn’t ask us to throw cautions to the wind.
A balanced approach calls for taking calculated risks.
How can you take calculated risks in relationships? You do so by knowing the rights and wrongs of a person and, then, deciding to accept the wrongs (manageable ones) or walk away from the relationship (if the wrongs are too intense to manage).
Here are 5 red flags that may signal an impending disastrous relationship if you proceed to take it forward.
1. He Is Habitually a Victim
Did I say that I would only discuss habits? Because it’s not a habit: it’s a complete mindset.
There are various ways a person can express their victim mentality. These include not taking responsibility for their mistakes, shifting the blame on others, taking every hardship personally, and genuinely believing that they are entitled to preferred treatment from others.
In short, if you are going out with someone who complains twice in a single meeting, you are up for a (great) negative surprise.
Sometimes, this red flag comes with a beautiful feeling. Partners of habitual victims often genuinely feel for the hardships life has thrown at their partners and want to be a good role model.
Watch out! You will soon become another drama in their life.
2. Who has no Opinion of His Own
It’s a good feeling to be in a leading position at work or relationship. But there is a difference between leadership and management. And micromanagement is even more different.
Initially, it appears cool and loving. You have gotten a man who mirrors your emotions and thinking pattern. But as you move forward, you see that his agreeability becomes excessive and that it is not unique to his interactions with you.
Beware! That’s not an extraordinary understanding between you two. It’s his lack of backbone. It’s an indication that you may find yourself carrying his (emotional/ mental) weight in the coming years in marriage.
It signals an upcoming lack of prompt emotional and moral support when you need such support most.
3. He Lies
Even if you are witnessing smaller ones, you shouldn’t ignore the pattern.
These lies may seem harmless and innocent at first.
They may remain the same, harmless and innocent, throughout your relationship. Or they may turn nastier – creating stories about you or the relationship or harming the trust.
IMO, there is no need to test a person who has told you that he is not trustable by lying.
4. He Doesn’t Believe in Gender Equality
Even if you uphold an old-school mindset about gender equality/inequality, you wouldn’t want to be around those guys who are against your career progress, not interested in supporting your passion, or is jealous of your achievements.
Ironically, even if you are an avid supporter of gender equality, you may feel tempted to sacrifice your ideology to nourish a relationship with the man of your dreams.
If you do so, think about how this change in self-expression will affect you in the coming years and decades.
Seek a man who supports you not because of your gender but because of you.
5. He Doesn’t Prioritize You
You can’t expect your partner to give you his 100% attention. He may also have and enjoy other activities and commitments. He will also entertain other relationships and manage work and life.
But these commitments will not prevent him from thinking about you, making plans for spending time with you and being actually present with you.
If they do, he is not loyal to this relationship leaving you free to move on.
Take Away
If you are considering a man for marriage, you are probably looking for life-long companionship. As such, you want the best companion who can support you in every turn and twist of life’s journey.
There can be a hundred qualities that guarantee a successful marriage. Likewise, there are a hundred others that raise red flags.
Which of these habits do you think is most harmful to a relationship?
Share your thoughts!
The best: stay alone! The perfection is nowhere!
I would disagree. Relationships create interdependence. And interdependence multiplies growth.
Not only that remaining single only because of fear only increases your fears. Ultimately, you start a relationship with your own fears.
Choose wisely! What you want? To be in relationship with love or to be in relationship with fear?
Nicely written!
Victim mentally ppl are really dangerous, first they will blame the situation later they make u villan in front of all family members. It’s always will be like guy is so good but this girl cudnt keep him.
you right tho
This article is very interesting and quite informational, but I am not certain it provides much insight into how anyone in a relationship can find that elusive perfection in any relationship. I believe most of us are genuinely interested in finding a “perfect” relationship or at least one that comes close to it. Yet as indicated, with all the opportunities to cheat and be deceptive, it becomes even harder to strike that pot of gold in a relationship.
When we first meet someone we are interested in, most of the time we are blinded by our desire not only to impress that person, but also to find a solution from the loneliness that envelopes us for the absence of companionship. So, as much as a modern-day approach to finding good relationships such as online dating offers us greater latitude and opportunities, it is also strewn with the dangers of falling into the wrong relationship. There is no magic wand that can bring us the perfect relationship, but I do believe that the modern-day relationships are more based on our mundane desires that are lacking in including our spiritual strength that can add greater and steadier dimension to a relationship.
Like a good and wholesome meal, a relationship cannot thrive only on just one or two ingredients of love, it has to be a combination of emotion, commitment, faithfulness, sacrifice, selflessness but most certainly spiritual guidance.
Again, love, which brings intuition, is the answer here. Most guys and gals look for superficial qualities because they don’t know their needs, wants, and emotions.
When a person is in love, he/she would be blocked off using any of their senses. These individuals, would be blinded by pleasing a person than to actually knowing the difference of a person who has a mask on vs. a loyal one.
This is just a myth that love is blind. In fact, the reality totally opposite. Love is intuitive. But to be intuitive, it has to be true love. And true love only starts from self-love. Check this post to know more about how love makes you intuitive: aqwebs.com/5-life-lessons-your-primary-emotions-are-begging-you-to-learn
The bigger problem I see for women is the vast difference between sensible lists like this, and what they are actually attracted to. You may find a man who has the right qualities and yet there is no chemistry for you. Or you find a man who breaks all these rules, but you feel so much attraction or “chemistry”.
Most women will go with their feelings of attraction and rationalize the bad qualities, because the men who are decent are also not the ones who make you feel like mating.
Good men are really tired of hearing women say “I just want to find a nice guy” but the truth is that they are only attracted to abusive men. So that is the real problem you have to deal with. Be honest and admit that you just aren’t attracted to the kind of men you claim you want. The most important things are his money and confidence. Without at least those 2 things, he is not even a candidate.
After that, you have to ask yourself how you define “confidence”. And there is your problem.
How do you know that a man who lets you have your way is not doing it out of confidence rather than weakness? Which takes more real confidence – to let others have their way or always demand your own way? It may be the insecure person who must always have their own way. Maybe it takes more self esteem let the other person win. You may want to rethink how you define some of the qualities you see as important or attractive.
Then you may want to question whether money is more important than love. And why you can’t admire him unless he has money.